How Query Letters Become Marketing Materials for the Publisher
And how you can use that to craft a good query letter
My most popular Substack post is by far my query letter for The First Sister, but that was for my first agent. Well, what about my second agent?
(Because welcome to publishing, getting an agent doesn’t mean keeping one.)
I found myself looking for an agent last Thanksgiving. HALFHEART wasn’t just finished; Saga had offered on it, but I knew there was no way I could represent my interests the same way an agent, specialized in these types of contracts, could, especially when AI clauses in book contracts were such a new hot topic that I knew zilch about.
Enter my second query letter. It’s quite different from the first, and I’ll explain why after you read it.
Dear (Agent Name),
I’m sending you the (however many pages/chapters/whatever the agent requests on their website) of my fantasy novel, HALFHEART, which is complete at 130,000 words, because (what’s the reason you’re querying them?). I currently have an offer from Saga for the novel but am without representation.
HALFHEART follows Mordrena “Halfheart,” an aging mercenary, when the lover she thought dead returns to offer her a chance at revenge against the god who killed her entire family. Full of female rage and an exploration of loss, grief, and power, HALFHEART is Hannah Kaner’s GODKILLER meets the video game DRAGON AGE with a dash of Joe Abercrombie’s BEST SERVED COLD.
Mordrena “Halfheart” has been bitterly working as a mercenary on the disgustingly idyllic Crescent Isle since the god of War took everything from her – her homeland, her family, her god, even her magic. But when her old lover returns from the dead to offer her a place in a band of mages who aim to kill the War, she digs her nails and teeth into her chance at revenge – and won’t let go even if it kills her. Because the War might be a god, but he’s not the only god interested in Mordrena. The Storyteller – better known as the Trickster – has been lurking in her shadow for years and will stop at nothing to change Mor’s narrative into the heroic tale he envisions – and that starts with a mortal killing a god, even if it shatters the mortal’s soul.
While HALFHEART can be a standalone novel, I initially conceived of it as a duology. I am in my 30s, am a nonbinary American living in Madrid, and am a writer because “tattooed lady at the circus” is no longer a job option. My space opera novels, THE FIRST SISTER trilogy, were published by Simon & Schuester in 2020-2023, and the titular novel was a Publisher’s Weekly bestselling book and Barnes & Noble book of the month in 2021.
I hope you enjoy.
Sincerely,
Linden A. Lewis
she/they
(Insert social media and website details)
Introducing Our Intrepid Hero (Me)
If you’ve ready my First Sister query letter, you’ll remember I used priming keywords, a marketing trick, to “prime” the reader for the emotions I wanted them to feel as they read the rest of the query letter. Meanwhile, this first paragraph looks a lot like the way they recommend everyone write introductory paragraphs for query letters.
Why didn’t I use priming keywords here? Well, because I already had an offer, and I knew that hook was going to get me through that initial door, even if they didn’t recognize my name (which I certainly didn’t expect).
Instead, I focused on who I was and what I could offer the agent: Me! A finished manuscript! A deal on the table!
Summarizing the Entire Book
In the second paragraph, we get a summary of the entire novel in one sentence. It answers (most of) the standard five question salad of who, what, when, where, and why.
Who: Mordrena “Halfheart”
What: An aging mercenary
When: The lover she thought dead returns
Where: This one actually doesn’t get answered here!
Why: To offer her a chance at revenge against the god who killed her entire family
I made sure to answer each question with the juiciest answers. Sure, I could’ve said “Mordrena joins a group of god hunters” (which is true), but her “lover returning from the dead” is far stronger as it hints at the drama you’ll find between the characters, the push and pull of romantic tension. It also asks more questions the reader will want answers to: WHY did Mordrena think he was dead?
What about WHERE? Well, that one’s not so interesting. At least, not at this one sentence moment. I’ll answer it farther down, but the overall juicy details are found in who, what, when, and why, so that’s what I focused on. I could’ve shoved it in, but it would’ve just made the sentence bloated and taken away from the punch.
Adding the Cursed Comps
I still hate finding comps for my works, so I tend to go with my gut.
I initially wanted Halfheart to by my love letter to the DRAGON AGE series. Hell, I drew a map and everything. I was also inspired by the feminine rage revenge story I’d read in Joe Abercrombie’s BEST SERVED COLD, though that’s an older title.
I added Hannah Kaner’s GODKILLER into the mix because 1) it’s something that came out recently 2) it has gods in it, and they’re being killed 3) it’s a hit but not such a big hit that agents will scoff (like if I said this is the next Fourth Wing, because it’s impossible to predict a worldwide hit like that).
To tie all these together, I added this: “Full of female rage and an exploration of loss, grief, and power…” That’s a list of the themes of my book and how Halfheart overlaps with those previous titles. Imagine a venn diagram; those words would be in the center.
Put on Your Marketing Hat
The third paragraph is what I’d call the meat of the query letter. Now I fully answer the five questions who, what, when, where, and why.
Throughout this section, I made sure to insert Mordrena’s voice. I promised a book full of female rage, so why not add some of that rage to the query letter?
That’s why I chose words like “bitterly working,” “disgustingly idyllic,” and “digs her nails and teeth in.”
We continue with a big reveal that makes people want to read more. “But he’s not the only god interested in Mordrena…”
And finally, a whiff of death: “… that starts with a mortal killing a god, even if it shatters the mortal’s soul.”
If you can imagine one of those movie narrator guys reading this aloud and people wanting to go see the movie, you’re golden.
Be Han Solo
In your final paragraph, it’s time to be Han Solo.
This is something I used to tell my friends to do for job interviews. If you’re not confident in yourself, just pretend to be Han Solo. That guy knows how to brag about himself and do it in a way that’s cool and not cringe.
So brag about yourself. Talk about your accomplishments, about who you are, insert a bit of humor if you’re a humorous person. Basically, try to make yourself sound approachable and ready to work with an agent, and not a twat who just wants to take, take, take.
You want to be Han Solo, not Jabba the Hutt.
Can You Omit Things in a Query Letter?
You’d never know it from this query letter, but there’s a second POV character in Halfheart called Seven. So why didn’t I talk about them and their story?
To answer that, you might need to read the book (the Trickster is a jealous storyteller and guards his words thusly), but I also tried to include Seven and found it made the query letter fattier and weaker, so I cut them completely.
So yeah, you absolutely can omit things from the query letter. Please note, I’m not telling you to lie in your query letter. Don’t say, “There’s a happy romantic ending,” if one of the characters dies and the other mourns them for the next forty years.
However, you can streamline your query letter.
Query Letters Are Marketing Materials
Why do agents require query letters? I used to curse at the idea of them. Why couldn’t they just read my first few pages and get on with it?
Because query letters aren’t just for agents. They’re marketing materials that will end up being used for the lifetime of the book.
If you can impress an agent’s slush pile reader, the agent, and the editor who acquires your book, that’s because you have a strong marketing pitch in your query letter. And chances are, they’ll continue using that query letter to market it to readers.
Does the verbiage in this post from Saga look familiar? It should, because you just read it!
Even though Saga had already offered on the book, I shared my Halfheart query with them to use as marketing materials, and bam, there it is. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it wound up on the book jacket.
Questions
Do you have any lingering questions about query letters? Any tips and tricks you want to see? Leave them in the comments.